Of Heroes, Princesses, and the Lack of an Identity
by kaitou-marron
Summary: Oneshot: Lavi contemplates the sacrifices of becoming a Bookman. One-sided LavixLenalee, implied eventual AllenxLenalee.


Lavi had learned enough history to know that the princess of a story usually ended up with the hero. In the story of the Exorcists' battle against the Millennium Earl and Noah's Clansmen, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Allen, the predicted Destroyer of Time, was to be the hero, and Lenalee was to be the princess. Oddly enough, neither Allen nor Lenalee sought the role that they embodied. Allen merely wanted to save humans and Akuma, while Lenalee, deep down inside, longed for a normal life away from the battlefield (although her compatibility with the dark boots forced her to embrace the life of a soldier).

However, despite Allen's and Lenalee's wishes, both were thrust into the roles of the hero and princess, respectively. Lavi was slightly jealous, because once in a while he longed for a role to be his. And perhaps a part of him (that he chose to ignore) wanted to take the princess for himself. But it was hard for someone with no identity to be a part of history. In the story of the Exorcists' battle against the Millennium Earl and Noah's Clansmen, he was not expecting to be mentioned at all. He thought that he had long dispelled any qualms he had about throwing away his identity and being identified only by the job he had chosen. Despite that, doubt crept through him uncomfortably, like slow-growing ivy. Was it because he was surrounded by people his own age for the first time, or was it because of his attachment to the people themselves?

Mentally, he swatted his own reservations like a fly. He could not afford to have any uncertainty and again firmed his resolve. He was going to become what he had already dedicated his life to - being a Bookman and having no identity of his own.

To his age mates at the Black Order, he was "Lavi," and he would continue to be the person they knew, the person he had carefully created to cover up his true self. "Lavi" was straightforward, cheerful, and full of good-natured charm. He chose to let those characteristics shine, because he knew that now was the only time he could allow himself to be playful and slightly immature. As the current Bookman aged further, his health would inevitably deteriorate. At that point, Lavi knew that he would be expected to take on the full role of a Bookman. He was aware of what was required of him - careful observing without interfering. He would need to keep his emotions in check, which had never been a problem for him ... until very recently. He tried to convince himself that he was still capable of being emotionally detached, since he had spent so most of his life doing just that, but something told him it would be harder than he was imagining.

Now, while he had his youth and could still be permitted to be charming, he would smile, flirt, and be outgoing, knowing very well that the price of being a Bookman was never knowing when the freedom of being "Lavi" would be snatched away. At the Black Order, Lavi knew he would continue to embody the facet of himself that he chose to display to the others, as he slowly slipped into his role as a Bookman. He would continue to watch as the story of the Exorcists' battle with the Millennium Earl and Noah's Clansmen unfolded. He would watch the hero and the princess unite with his usual friendly grin. And eventually, he would stop being "Lavi" and become only Bookman. Surely, at that point he will have again mastered emotional detachment to the point that he could convince himself of his success.

He knew that it was his duty and fate to keep on watching as the people around him discovered and became more themselves, while he lost more and more of himself. He would continue along this path knowing that someday, many years in the future, the hero would comment about him to the princess in such a manner: "Do you remember when we were young, when we used to fight? All of us Exorcists, you, me, Miranda, Krory, Kanda... and the current Bookman, what did he used to be called?" At that time, Lavi knew he would be watching from his place in the shadows with a sad smile on his face congratulating himself on a job well done.

**Final notes: **Was it in character? Did the weird verb tense changes work out? ::worries:: Anywho, any comments and concrit are welcome. =)


End file.
